I’m so macho

09Nov09

I’m so macho…

I exfoliate my face with a cheese grater;

I brush my teeth with a grill brush;

I clip my nails with a can opener;

I wipe my butt with sandpaper;

I moisturize my hands with lard;

I use blood to paint my nails;

I make origami out of sheet metal;

I use deer piss for cologne;

I gargle battery acid for mouthwash;

I use super glue as eye drops;

I use gunpowder as black pepper;

I eat the pits of avocados and peaches;

I use snake venom as hot sauce;

I dry my hair with a leaf blower;

I cut my hair with a chain saw;

I pay my bills with scalps;

I treat my gas pedal as an on-off switch;

I take my baths in lava;

I pick my teeth with poisonous darts;

I eat my cereal with non pasteurized milk;

I put my vitamins in my butt;

I poop out king cobras;

I pee out gasoline;

I fart out tear gas;

I have grenades for kidney stones;

I drink engine oil for coffee;

and I brake with my third leg.

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